First of all, if you’re in this situation — congratulations. You’ve made it to a point in your athletic career where you have options to play at the college level, and that’s something a lot of athletes dream about. It’s a huge accomplishment, and you should feel proud of yourself. We definitely are.
Now comes a part that isn’t always talked about: letting the other programs know you won’t be joining their team.
If you feel nervous about this, that’s totally normal. It’s a good thing to care about how you handle it, and it’s worth doing right. At the same time, try to remember that college coaches go through this every single year. It’s a regular part of recruiting, and they understand it’s not personal.. That said, it’s still important to handle it with respect. Coaches talk. And being known as someone who’s thoughtful and mature can only help you in your future.
Here’s how to navigate it with confidence and class:
1. Tell the Coach Before You Post
Before you post your commitment on Instagram or TikTok or start telling teammates and coaches where you’re headed, make sure you’ve personally let every coach at the schools you’re turning down know your decision.
Even though coaches go through this every year and understand it’s part of the process, it’s not a good look to be celebrating online before you’ve told a program that spent time and energy recruiting you.
There’s a time to celebrate publicly. This part comes first.
2. Phone Call or Email?
This depends on your relationship with the coach.
-
If you’ve had a strong relationship with the coach (they’ve called you personally, visited you, built a connection), a phone call is the most mature and appreciated way to handle it.
-
If you’ve had limited contact or most of your interactions have been through email/text, then a thoughtful email is okay.
Here’s what to say:
Phone Call Talking Points (For a coach you’ve had a strong relationship with)
Step 1: Start the Call Like You Normally Would
Keep it casual and polite. Ease into the conversation like you would with any coach you've spoken to before.
“Hi Coach [Last Name], how are you?”
They’ll probably ask something like how your season’s going. You’ll say it’s going well, then you’ll ask how theirs is going. If it’s the offseason, you can ask if they’ve been busy with recruiting or what their schedule’s like. Nothing formal. Just talk how you normally would.
Step 2: How to Say It
Reminder: The coach has been through this situation before. They will probably already know why you’re calling. They might say something like, “So what’s the reason for the call?” or joke, “I think I know what you’re about to say, and I hope I’m wrong.”
Just read their tone and respond in a way that fits the vibe. Then respectfully get to the point with something along the lines of:
“I wanted to call you personally to let you know I’ve decided to continue my [insert sport] career at a different program, and to thank you for all the time and energy you and your staff put into getting to know me. Your program is incredible — I especially loved [insert something specific, like how close the team felt or how competitive practices were]. I really can’t thank you enough.”
This shows maturity, respect, and gratitude — all without overexplaining.
Step 3: They’ll Probably Ask Where You’re Going
Most coaches will ask where you’ve committed. You can simply say:
“I’ve decided to commit to [College Name].”
They’ll likely respond with somethiing supportive, like “That’s a great program.”
You can keep it warm but brief:
Yeah, I’m really excited. It definitely was a tough decision. I’m really grateful for the chance to learn about your program.”
Step 4: If They Ask Why You Didn’t Choose Their Program
NOTE: It’s not very common for coaches to ask this, but why not prepare for it!
What to Say
You don’t need to defend or overly justify your decision, but if they ask why you chose the other school, here are some safe, respectful ways to explain it:
-
Location: “I felt like [College Name] was ultimately a better fit for me because of the location. I really wanted to be [closer to home / a little farther from home / always loved this city].”
-
School Size: “I liked the size of the school. I’ve always preferred [smaller / larger] class sizes and campus environments.”
-
Major: “They have a strong program in [your intended major], and I’m excited about that academically.”
What Not to Say
Even if your intentions are good, certain comments can come off wrong. Avoid:
-
“The school I picked has a better record.”
-
“My club coach told me not to go to your school.”
-
“I just really connected with their coach more.”
-
“Their facilities were nicer.”
-
“I just really want to play D1.” (If you’re turning down a non-D1 program)
-
“They’re just better academically, which is important to me.”
-
“My parents didn’t really like the school.”
-
“I didn’t like the uniforms.”
-
“The program I’m going to is in a more competitive conference.”
-
“I just felt like your team wasn’t really at my level.”
-
“I just wanted to commit somewhere that felt bigger/more serious.”
-
“I heard you guys don’t really travel much.”
-
“I heard you guys travel too much.”
-
“I just don’t think I’d reach my full potential here.”
-
“I wasn’t that excited when I got your offer, to be honest.”
Bottom line: Don’t make it sound like you’re above their program, or that the school you’ve chosen is above their program. You can explain your decision without putting their program down. Keep the tone respectful, and you’ll leave the conversation on a strong note.
Email Template (For a coach you haven’t spoken with much or don’t know as well)
Subject: Thank You
Hi Coach [Last Name],
I hope you're doing well. Thank you for the time and consideration you gave me throughout this process. I really enjoyed getting to learn more about your program, especially [insert something specific, like how welcoming the team was or something you noticed during your visit].
I wanted to let you know that I’ve decided to continue my [insert sport] career at another program. I'm genuinely grateful for the opportunity to connect with you and learn more about what you’ve built at [School Name].
I really appreciate everything. Good luck to you and your team this season!
Best,
[Your Name]
3. Why This Matters
How you say no is just as important as how you say yes. Coaches remember how you carry yourself. You might transfer, cross paths again, or need a reference one day. Leave the door open. Handle it with respect.
