Let’s face it—hearing that a college coach is going in a different direction can sting. It’s okay to feel disappointed. But here’s the thing: it doesn’t mean you’re not talented or that you’re not good enough to play at the next level. It just means that particular school wasn’t the right match. This process is about finding a school where you belong, and every step—whether it feels like a win or a loss—gets you closer to the perfect fit. Let’s walk through some ways to make this journey easier on yourself.
1. Think of It as Compatibility—Not Rejection
Here’s the truth: recruiting isn’t personal. Coaches are balancing rosters, scouting specific player types, and making decisions based on what fits their team’s needs—not on your potential as an athlete. When a coach moves forward with someone else, it doesn’t mean you’re not talented or capable of playing at the college level. It’s simply a reflection of what their program needs at this moment.
Think about your own process of choosing schools. You’re not eliminating schools because they’re not good enough; you’re focusing on the ones that feel like the best match for you. Coaches are doing the same thing. Shifting your perspective from “I got rejected” to “This wasn’t the right fit” turns what feels like a roadblock into just another step toward finding the program where you truly belong.
2. Refocus on What You Can Control
It’s tough when a school you were excited about decides to go in a different direction. You can’t control their decision—but you can control how you respond to it. Instead of dwelling on what didn’t work out, shift your focus to what’s within your power: your growth, your effort, and your next steps.
If a coach offers feedback, use it as a guide to improve. If they don’t, take time to reflect. Are there areas of your game you’ve been meaning to sharpen? Maybe your defense could be tighter, your endurance stronger, or your decision-making faster. Whatever it is, take this as an opportunity to focus on the things that will make you the best version of yourself.
Progress doesn’t happen all at once, but every step forward builds a stronger foundation for your future. By focusing on what you can control, you’ll be ready when the right opportunity comes along.
3. Be Kind to Yourself
Let’s get one thing straight: your self-worth isn’t tied to how many offers you get. Seriously, it’s not. The recruiting process is tough enough without beating yourself up about it. You’re not alone in feeling stressed or unsure—it’s a rollercoaster for everyone.
So, be kind to yourself. Remind yourself why you fell in love with this sport in the first place. Focus on the parts of the process you can control, like your effort and attitude. And trust that at the end of the day, you’ll find a school where you’re valued, supported, and happy.
4. Invest in the Schools That See Your Potential
It’s natural to dwell on the schools that didn’t pan out, but don’t lose sight of the opportunities right in front of you. If a coach is showing interest, that’s something worth getting excited about. Take the time to learn about their program, connect with the coaching staff, and imagine what your future could look like there.
The schools still on your list are there for a reason—they recognize your talent and believe in what you bring to the table. By focusing your energy on these relationships, you’re setting yourself up to find a place where you can grow, contribute, and succeed.
5. Open the Door to More Options
If you’ve been hearing “no” from a lot of the schools on your list, it might be time to revisit your strategy. That’s not a bad thing—it’s a chance to reassess. Talk to your coach about schools that align with your abilities and goals. Sometimes widening your list can uncover amazing programs you hadn’t considered.
This isn’t about settling; it’s about being realistic and finding the best fit. Remember, the goal is to find a place where you’ll thrive, both on and off the field. Trust that there’s a program out there waiting for someone like you.
You’ve Got This
Hearing a coach decide to go in a different direction is tough, but it doesn’t define you. It’s just one step in a process that’s all about finding where you’re meant to be. Give yourself grace, stay focused on improving, and remember: the right school is out there for you.
You’re going to look back on this process one day and see how it all came together. Until then, keep showing up, keep working hard, and know you’re on the right path.
